


the wicked never sleep (but i hope you think of me)

by infinitehearts



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 4 + 1 things, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Bondage, Car BB-8, Engagement Party, F/M, First Meetings, First Time, Flogging, Impact Play, Photoshoots, Public Nudity, Spanking, Supermarket Shenanigans, Surprising Amounts of Feelings, bdsm club, dom!rey, magazine publisher!Ben, professional dom!rey, sub!Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitehearts/pseuds/infinitehearts
Summary: She's everything that he never knew he needed, while he's the perfect challenge for her to figure out. They fall into each other's orbits, moment by moment, until they collide. It's bumpy along the way, but it is their fragile intimacy.or4 times that Rey gets Ben off without actually fucking him, and 1 time that Ben gets laid.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	the wicked never sleep (but i hope you think of me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is un-beta-ed, and I have little to no working knowledge in the SW fandom beyond other fics. If you encounter something way off, or something you think should be tagged, lmk on [ twitter](https://www.twitter.com/infinitexhearts/)!

“You’re a brat, or… you’re new to this. Maybe both. Don’t worry, I do well with both.”

She knew she would have fun with this one. Ben Solo, her client info card had read. Definitely one of those corporate types, if his clothes were any indication.

“Well, strip. This is the only time I’ll ask nicely. I’ll permit you your underwear tonight, since you seem a bit hesitant, but don’t get used to it.”

Was that confusion in his eyes, perhaps, that she had assumed was hesitation? His session had been marked as a gift, but the stress had been radiating off him in waves according to Paige. Nonetheless, it did seem as if he could indeed follow directions. His tie, first, which creased considerably less than her best blouse, despite its similar sheen. Real silk, evidently, instead of polyester. Blazer, button up, then trousers. It wasn’t surprising he made no move to remove his boxer briefs.

Rey eased closer, heels clicking on smooth tile. Kira was always ready to play, and tonight was no different. The mountain of a man in front of her, however, was building an anticipation in Rey that she hadn’t felt in a scene before. She wanted to ruin him, as herself. Kira always enjoyed a scene, whereas Rey rarely felt attached. It was enjoyable, sure, to watch her clients fall apart, to push them to their limits. But she didn’t feel bad if the scene ended before they entered that utter state of calm she was striving for.

This Ben Solo was different. She’d be disappointed… no, devastated if he wasn’t a mess before their time was up.

“On your knees.”

He sank down slowly, albeit awkwardly. There was no grace to his movements, but it wasn’t as if one would expect a lumberjack to kneel sensually. Rey felt a chill run along her spine anyways, astonished by the ego boost of watching someone so _large_ obey her every word. Not that she was some small thing, but the man in front of her was still twice her size. He was all bulk where she was willowy, and he probably had a solid six inches on her.

She would have fun tonight.

Her hand was tangled in his hair before she realized what she had done. So, she’d already slipped into Kira then, instead of coaxing her alter ego to the stage. Maybe she would wreck him yet.

“A little long, isn’t it? I see a lot of your type, the spoiled business types.” She tugged, leading him to look up at her face with light tension. “Always prim and manicured, but never so _vain._ ”

“What… ah, what’s your name?”

“You’ll call me Miss Palpatine tonight. You must earn my name, and I doubt you can manage that in one night. Most of my regulars still don’t have that honor.”

***

It wasn’t a business meeting, that was for sure. Business meetings didn’t go down in the nude, and they certainly didn’t involve any sort of kneeling.

But for once, he couldn’t say he was mad at Hux for the false pretenses. The straining in his underwear was enough to push out all thoughts of that damned ginger.

He didn’t even know what to call a place like this. Was he at a brothel? Prostitution was illegal in Chandrilla, so it couldn’t be, could it? Surely a brothel wouldn’t be so clean, almost classy. And the woman wasn’t making any move to remove the emerald leather hugging her body.

Oh— that felt nice. Really nice.

He found he didn’t care if he was at a brothel anymore. He’d give anything for more, even the entirety of First Order. How was it possible that he could feel so good, and she had hardly touched him? Worse, it seemed all she was doing was berating him, although, he knew that she wasn’t lying. It wasn’t like she knew him, or of his work, between his pen name and the way he refused to be photographed.

Controlling the largest media company in the nation had some perks, after all.

Her hand had let go of his hair, and he was disappointed? No, that just didn’t make sense. There was no reason to feel so strongly about something so insignificant. Maybe he was just disappointed that he couldn’t see her anymore. Extremely attractive, even if she wasn’t his usual type.

Speaking of… where did she go? Wait, what was that?

“Just enjoy yourself, alright? There’s no need to think so hard about it.”

Her hand brushed across his shoulder, and it felt like lighting was prickling his every nerve.

“I’m in control tonight. You’re just along for the ride.”

He… he thought he could live with that. Just this one time, of course. Ben Solo had never done well with authority other than his own.

He heard the whoosh of air before he felt the sting on his ass, and that certainly got his dick’s attention. He couldn’t recall the last time that he’d been so hard, or if he’d ever been so hard.

“Liked that, hmm?”

“Hng, yes.” He couldn’t help himself, as much as his pride didn’t want to dignify a response. His business was his life, after all, and he hadn’t given himself any attention down there in a while. It wasn’t wrong to want to have a good one, was it? Just one, and then he would be more productive, right? His libido would be sated, and he could get on with his work, without it constantly losing his attention.

There was that stinging again, and again. “You’re not supposed to be thinking.”

It didn’t matter, did it? She’d said as much herself. He was along for the ride, and he wanted to know where it ended, if she’d milk him dry in his trunks, like a pubescent teenager. No, he wanted her to milk him dry, without ever touching him below the belt.

Leather danced along his back, at least he assumed it was leather. He didn’t dare turn around, not even just by craning his neck back for a peek. It could end if he turned around. As much as it killed him, he stayed facing the door of the room, waiting for her next touch.

***

She knew the session was almost over, but she wanted to wrench his pleasure out of him before she stopped. She told herself it wasn’t a selfish thing, wanting to watch him fall apart. He was paid for, didn’t even seem like he knew what he was getting into, and he deserved that much.

(She knew it was selfish. She wanted him to remember, to come back to her.)

Her crop had been abandoned off to the side, although she wondered if she should have kept it in hand, showed him just what it had took to watch the knots in his shoulders unclench. No matter, she’d already chosen how she was ending this session.

“You know, Ben Solo, I could tie you up with that tie of yours and leave you here. Leave you squirming, wondering how to slip the knot to leave with your dignity intact. Or maybe not, maybe you’d like it, walking out into our lobby, shamefully asking someone to untie you.”

Rey bent down and grabbed his chin. “Do you want that?”

“No, please, no.”

“I’m not that convinced, maybe you _need_ it? Is that it? Do you need to be humiliated?”

“Ah, no, _Miss_ _Palpatine_ , no.”

She couldn’t help the hint of a smirk that broke across her lips when he finally, _finally,_ blew. She moved her hand from his chin to his shoulder, to help stabilize him when it looked like he might smash his face into the floor. With how it looked, he should’ve foregone the underwear. They might’ve been a lost cause with how big that wet spot had grown.

When he finally looked as if he was coming back to himself, she spoke again. “There’s a bathroom right behind you, and don’t be embarrassed either. For most people, blowing a load is the goal.”

She slipped out the door in front of him and pressed her back against the door once it was safely re-closed. Rey wished that the hour wasn’t up, that the watch on her wrist had given her more time. At least she could say that he had fallen apart for her if she never saw him again.

Ben Solo had been her last client of the night, so when she found the willpower to move away from the door of the room he still occupied, she continued down the hall to the staff room, ready to get out of her client clothes and into something far more comfortable for sanitizing her equipment and the room.

“Paige, unzip me? He was my last of the day. Who’s manning the desk?”

Rey turned to look over her shoulder as Paige pulled her zippers down, freeing her from her top and mostly from her skirt. She caught the top as it fell off, ready to be hung up and dropped off with the rest of the crew’s dry cleaning.

“He’s the last of the night, period. And his session was already paid for, so I figured he’d let himself out. I’m heading out now, myself. I was only waiting for you, since you usually need a little help peeling out of your clothes. Everything’s done, so long as you lock the front door when he leaves.”

“Go on home, Paige. I know it’s rare we get out of here before midnight on Fridays. I’ll lock up.”

She pulled her tee over her head, grateful that she had jeans to change into instead of the sweatpants she’d debated wearing. She couldn’t just let him show himself out, not when he was a first timer. It wasn’t uncommon for the regulars to show themselves out, but they knew what was going on and how to get in touch.

She kicked her heels off, tugged her skirt to the ground, and shimmied into her jeans. The screech of the door down the hall nearly made her jump, but she had to focus. It’d take too long to put on her trainers, with the need for socks and tying the laces. The heels it was then. She shoved her feet back into the uncomfortable shoes as she buttons her jeans, no matter the trouble. At least it would make her look somewhat professional.

Maybe Rey would make it to the lobby before him if she ran.

***

He was so glad he had driven himself. He was as put together as one could be after having a mind-blowing orgasm, but he was still in public. His dick bushed against his slacks, uncomfortably oversensitive. Those trunks had been a lost cause by the time he’d found it in himself to get up and go clean himself up.

Ben wasn’t one to let go easily, and the rush of questions he’d had before were back at full force. Maybe the receptionist could help him with a few of them, at least. He’d rather not talk to Hux about it. He and Hux had never been on the best of terms, more of polite rivals and confidants than actual friends. They associated with one another because they were both too destructive for others back in college.

He’d thank him, eventually, but he wanted to keep that moment of overwhelming pleasure for himself just a little while longer.

Ben opened the door, turning back to give the room a once over. It wouldn’t look out of place in his apartment, he realized. Sleek black leather couch, built in cabinets on the far wall near the bathroom, modern marble tiled floors, and cool grey walls. He had his phone, wallet, and keys still tucked safely into his blazer pocket.

Was that _panting?_

Ben might’ve chuckled, if he wasn’t suddenly overcome with the thought that there might be people having sex in the room next to the one he was currently standing in the doorway of.

He walked back to the lobby(?), the door left open, just how it was when he’d been directed to the room.

It was dimmer in the lobby than he remembered, and that wasn’t the receptionist he remembered either.

“I’m sorry, but just what exactly do you do here?”

The receptionist looked up from the paper she was studying- oh, it was _her._ The women who’d given him the best orgasm of his life without even touching him.

“Most people would write us off as sex, Mr. Solo, but we deal in therapy.”

“Just Ben is fine.”

“Well, Ben, there’s opportunity for pleasure in what we do, but we don’t sell sex as a service. RESISTANCE, as a whole, exists to help our clients let go of their traumas and the stress in their daily lives. We just take a more hands-on approach.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“We provide the service of fantasy for an hour, put clients into situations that they normally would never be in or could never stand, and we make it enjoyable. So, they keep coming back, because it really does help them get more out of their lives.”

“So, it’s like a sex thing?”

“BDSM can be a sex thing, yes, which I guess is what you’re asking? It isn’t always though. People like to take the easy way out in life, and then they get comfortable. When they get referred to us, we push them out of their comfort zones.”

He still wasn’t exactly sure of how all this was legal, but he supposed he’d learn to live with that. Did it hurt his pride that he wanted to come back? Sure, absolutely. But the impulse was there, and it was the first time he’d had an impulse that wasn’t completely destructive. It was a better impulse to give into than others had been, and than others would be.

“Ah, Miss Palpatine- “

“That’s just my scene name. Rey Johnson’s my boring, everyday name. With an E, not an A. And there’s no need to be formal.”

“So, Rey, how do I get another appointment with you?”

She laughed, and he swore it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

“Take a card and call us back in the morning. Our booking software’s undergoing maintenance tonight, but I’m sure someone can get you settled in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Rey.”

“Night, Ben.”

He clings to the business card in his hand for dear life. If he loses it, everything he’s found ends. It takes all the willpower he has left to hold it with just one hand so that he can fish his keys out of his pocket. By the time he’s sitting inside of his TIE Silencer, he’s on the brink of insanity, worrying about all the different ways he could never see Rey again.

A fake number, for the people they don’t want back. A sudden resignation, leaving him to the wolves when he returns. Losing the business card before morning, and Hux refusing to give him the number to call.

He puts the number into his phone right then and there, just so his white-knuckled grip on the card can loosen and he can head out.

In his rear-view, Ben swears that the light inside of RESISTANCE goes out only after he’s driven some ways up the road.

***

Kaydel isn’t home when Rey finally slips into their shared apartment. It’s a little early for her roommate to be gone out clubbing, even for a Friday, but they’re friends and roommates, and Rey’s not in charge of the blonde, much as it can irritate her to not know.

Kay and the rest of her co-workers are the closest thing she has to a family, after all. They’re complete opposites, the six of them, but they’re there for one another anyways. It’s why Kaydel stepped up and offered her a room when she had nowhere to go.

Those aren’t the kinds of thinks Rey likes to think about, though.

She chooses different thoughts.

Like those about a certain Ben Solo.

She’s never imagined entering something more with a client. Rey hasn’t considered the idea of entering something more, period. Her emotions had been loose and fast for the longest time, and she liked running a scene, but she doubted that she could hold herself to that same standard all the time.

Ben Solo though, he seemed like he needed an around the clock dom. She could imagine herself as that dom, even if it she knew that she would never be that. She was allowed to imagine that, right? Allowed to imagine how good he would look in a collar, plain black leather, hugging right up against the hollow of his throat. He wouldn’t look right in anything too fancy. No, a plain collar was exactly what he needed.

She wanted him, more than she’d wanted anything in a long time, she realized. It was impossible to not think of him once she’d admitted as much to herself. She thought of how his hair was softer than hers, of how much she wanted to touch him and leave marks. She thought of his face when he came, how the stress seemed to melt right out of him. She thought about the things she’d like to do to him, how she’d take him to the hilt after she had him open her up.

She thought about the strap-on she’d bought six months ago, how he’d let her use it on him, how much he would like it.

Rii’a, she was wet just thinking about it.

Rey pulls herself up off the couch, as comfortable as she’d gotten once she’d plopped down. She refuses to let herself come to thoughts of a man she’s met once, for less than two hours. A client, nonetheless.

Ben Solo means… nothing (everything) to her.

She keeps the water as cold as possible in the shower, even if it means that the water pressure sucks ass. She keeps her hands in her line of sight because she can’t risk it.

She can’t get hung up on fucking _Ben Solo_.

Rey’s worked too kriffing hard to get where she is. To be able to touch people, to let her walls down just a little bit.

To remember that people will care if she destroys herself.

She looks at the engineering degree that sits atop her dresser, framed. She looks at her degree, collecting dust in her bedroom. She remembers working herself to the bone, trying to save a company that was already too far gone.

She remembers how Finn found her, sleeping in her car with all her shit, because she was working for nothing.

If she regrets anything, she regrets that. She regrets the way she believed in the lies that Unkar Plutt fed to her, the way she thought sticking around would mean that all her problems would be fixed.

RESISTANCE, at least, had given her back herself. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be the bright-eyed girl in her college graduation pictures again, but she wasn’t a shell anymore, either.

If, the next morning, Rey realized that she’d fallen asleep during her pity party, that Kaydel had tossed a blanket over her so she didn’t wake up freezing, she didn’t mention it.

It was easier to ignore it, anyways.

The past was full of harsh reality checks she didn’t talk about, not even with her therapist.

2

Three months after he had been promoted, he quit.

Ben took Hux and Phasma with him, then.

On days like today, he wondered why, exactly, they didn’t get the fuck out and stay out. Objectively, he knew that they had all been shocked by the sudden death of Augustus Snoke, and that it was nearly impossible to say no to the terms that the board had offered them afterwards. He preferred being in charge, however, to being under Snoke’s thumb. According to the stats, First Order Publishing was thriving under the thumb of Ben Solo.

It was just impossible to feel like being President and CEO was a good thing. In his first week, he’d had to figure out how to rectify the web of embezzling and tax fraud that Snoke had tied the company in, without getting in bigger legal troubles. In the first year, he’d had to restructure their core magazines and buy out the original board, in order to finally make progress in changing the company culture.

He was always just so _tired._

Hux had insisted that the three of them needed to celebrate tonight, for finally turning their catalogue into something manageable. Something profitable.

“Ben, are you listening?”

“Sorry, Gwen. What did you say, again?”

“She said that there’s a club down the road we should hit up.”

Ben swirls the last of the red in his glass, and nods before he takes a swig. He’s not much of a club-goer, wasn’t much of a club-goer ten years ago at 25, and doubts that he’ll ever go out of his own free will. But he knows how much it means to Gwen and Armie, that sometimes they can let go of professionalism and enjoy themselves.

“I’ve got the check, if you’ll grab my coat as you leave.”

Gwen smiles, hand outstretched for his ticket. “We’ll wait out front for you.”

He’s not looking forward to going, watching Armie get smashed on fruity cocktails and Gwen trying to pull him on the dance floor to grind against someone she decides he’d be perfect for. But he’s trying to do better, to be uncomfortable. Sometimes, when he lets go of the expectation that these things always end up being bad.

(It’s something he’s learning at RESISTANCE.)

He leaves a wad of cash on the table, enough for their waitress to have a good tip after covering the bill. Armie and Gwen are waiting when he makes it out the door, just like they said. It feels like it takes no time at all for them to usher him down the block, around the corner. The neon sign above him reads _Kanata’s._ It’s a familiar name, although he’s not sure where he knows it from.

This club is different, to say the least. It’s not nearly as loud as the places that his friends normally frequent, nor are there any blinding lights circling the dance floor.

“I’ll get drinks, and you can show Ben around Armie.”

That’s the Phasma he knows at work, the no-nonsense businesswoman with deadly efficiency. Unusual for their nights out, but the whole night has been unusual. He won’t mention it, anyways. He would like to keep the two friends he has, despite what people might think.

“C’mon, Benny, you don’t want to miss the show.” Hux purrs, leading him by the wrist deeper into the crowd, and then out of the room entirely.

What the fuck has he gotten himself into this time?

***

Rey thinks that she’s more than a little nervous tonight. At RESISTANCE, it’s only ever her and her client in the room, and she’s only putting on a show for one person. The money was too much to resist, though, besides the fact that Maz had personally asked her to demo tonight. Who could say no to the little old lady? Who’d _risk_ saying no to the woman?

Rose was going to sub for her, but she needed her rest. It wouldn’t be a good show if her sub were miserable, anyways. Her best friend did mention it wasn’t unusual to ask for a volunteer from the crowd to participate for these kinds of demos, but she still wished it had been Rose. She knew what Rose liked, how far Rose could go.

She was comfortable enough with Rose, and instead she was going in blind. It was impossible to slip into the easy mask of Kira Palpatine when she felt like she was going to throw up.

Kriffing Rose. She just had to try the new sushi place and get food poisoning when Rey needed her most.

With as much confidence and as much of Kira’s ease as she could muster, she sashayed her way onto the stage. Back straight, chin up, seductive smirk.

“Who’s ready to play, hm? I need a good little sub to help me put on a show for the rest of you lovelies.”

She didn’t expect the number of volunteers that seemed to rise out of the woodworks at such a request. She didn’t know how she was supposed to pick, either.

Hopefully, luck was on her side.

She shut her eyes, and lazily lifted her left hand to point out into the crowd. “Do you want to come play?”

When she finally built up the nerves and looked, she wasn’t sure if luck had picked her sub, or if it had been a curse instead.

_Ben fucking Solo._

Out of a crowd of strangers, she picked someone she knew. She picked the only person that she could never seem to get out of her head, and there he was, coming to let her ruin him in front of a crowd. Truly and utterly ruin him, with how well he usually took the lighter stuff she doled out at RESISTANCE. It would be too easy, really.

But this was a demo, and she doubted that the crowd would truly appreciate the way she wanted to leave him, begging for more, left hot and bothered.

It was nothing (entirely) personal. Edging was always a good show, after all. He wouldn’t give them the show they would want out of an edging, especially not one with so much build up. She’d come to understand that he held himself too highly to let go until he was already gone.

(The reality was different. She knew that he’d be on her mind all night, if he came on stage. She’d go home and despite all her intentions not to, she’d finger herself until she came at the thought of using his monster of a cock for her own pleasure. If she left him at the edge, she wouldn’t have to see the version of him that she ached for.)

He’d have to come, then. That was settled.

Now, just to get that far.

Rey was surprised to find him settled in front of her, already in the nude, without any instruction. Had she really been distracted for that long? Or had he wanted to be good for her? Most importantly, where’d he leave his clothes? She’d need those when she was done.

“Tonight, you’ll get to see just how to play with the cat, thanks to my handsome volunteer here. It’s a quite intense toy, so there’s a few things I need to address first. My sub, are you comfortable playing tonight? You may call me Miss or Miss Palpatine.”

“Yes, Miss.”

He seemed like he was taking it in stride, at least, the false anonymity. “Thank you, sub. If you get overwhelmed, you may safeword out, using the color system.”

“Thank you, Miss.”

She rested her arm over his head and placed her palm against his cheek. At least a demo was shorter than a session at work, so maybe he wouldn’t even get close enough to come.

“It’s time to say goodbye to his handsome face, however, as we can only safely play with his ass using the cat.”

The command was implied, and thankfully, Ben seemed to catch right on. As soon as she moved her arm and stepped away to pick up her flogger, he was scuttling to turn around on his knees, ass prominently displayed to the crowd.

***

He was thankful to be facing the wall because he was already getting hard. He had no fucking clue what ‘the cat’ was, but he was ready to find out.

Maybe Hux had planned this, or maybe it was a coincidence, but he was grateful to be at her mercy. He’d seen her six times in the last four months, counting right now. He had to be sparing of his appointments at RESISTANCE. He didn’t want to get any more attached than he already was.

Rey Johnson had him enamored the very first night he met her, as stupid as it made him feel. He didn’t catch feelings often. He’d never believed in love at first sight, and yet he was totally lost for Rey, as little as he knew about her.

Maybe that was why he had found himself with his hand in the air when she needed a volunteer, even knowing that he’d be on display for the throngs of people who were already watching, or who might walk into the room. He knew his cheeks were still pink, but only just.

The rest of him was lost to the mix of pain and pleasure he could only associate with Rey. It was hypnotic, almost, the steady pace that she hit his ass. It wasn’t the same as the riding crop that she used normally, but he found that he almost enjoyed this more.

(The conversation he’d had with Hux to determine what he’d been getting hit with had been, interesting, to say the least. It was only fair, though. He’d been embarrassed when he had been tricked, so returning the favor to the cocky ginger in the office by asking him about impact play in the semi-full break room had been such sweet revenge.)

He lost himself in the sensation. He had no clue if she was still talking to him, or if he was even doing a good job, just that he was so, _so_ close. She always ruined him. Ben knew that he’d never be able to have normal sex again, because there was no way that he would come the way that Rey made him come by thrusting into a warm pussy. If it were Rey, maybe he’d still blow his load and see stars. Maybe it would be better.

Huh, when did he start thinking of her as Rey Johnson, instead of as Kira Palpatine, when they were playing? He had been doing so _good_ , keeping them apart. Not turning the feelings he had about their scenes into feelings about her. He didn’t even know her, outside of scenes. Didn’t know her favorite color, or even, concerningly, how old she was.

_No, stop thinking._

With a soft breath, he pushed all thoughts out of his mind. Just like he was supposed to. He was a slave to his pain, his pleasure.

“Come for us, sub. You’ve done so well, letting me use you to show this crowd the technique needed to use this beautiful flogger.”

The praise pushed him over the edge. He was making a mess all over himself, the floor. His hair tickled his shoulders when his back arched, and he peeked through half-lidded eyes out into the crowd. It looked denser than it had been when he’d first come on stage, so he must’ve done something right. Or maybe it was just Rey, the magnetic field that surrounded her, pulling in anyone and everyone. Even him.

Especially him.

***

She waited for the crowd to thin out a little before wrapping an arm around Ben, easing him to his feet. He was so pliant, for someone so big. It was almost easy to lead him backstage, without either of them stepping in his cum, and gathering his clothes along the way.

He’d left them folded, right by the wall, she observed. Very much like him.

Rey didn’t know how long he was going to stay under because this wasn’t the usual. She’d never seen him fall into sub-space, only get close to it. Safe from prying eyes, she’d give in, just a little.

She carded her fingers through his hair with her free hand, easing him into a (very comfortable, if she did say so herself) chair with the other.

“I know that was intense Ben, but I meant it when I said you did good. When you’re a little more present, we’ll get your ass cleaned up and get you dressed.”

“Mhm, thank you, Rey.”

She almost corrected him, but the correction fell flat on the tip of her tongue. This was different than her other clients, and it felt right, the way that her name fell off his lips. It almost felt intimate, like he was looking into the deepest roots of her soul. Even this, the most basic of aftercare, felt different. She knew that all subs were vulnerable when they came out of sub-space, but somehow, he radiated more? No, that wasn’t right, exactly. Words didn’t seem to express it, the way that she could see through him.

It was easy to know what he needed, to know how to take care of him. His needs were clearer to her than her own needs. She could have him, instead of giving him over to Kira and sometimes. It had been a long time since she’d gotten territorial over something, but she wasn’t willing to let go. Letting go had been a hard skill to learn, and maybe this refusal to let him go was stepping backwards, but it was for her sanity.

Ben Solo was _hers._

If he weren’t, she didn’t know what she’d do.

***

“This’ll sting a little bit, Ben. It’ll make your ass feel a whole lot better than it could in the morning.”

The problem was, he would have let her make him so sore he couldn’t get out of bed. That was how much he trusted her, how much he wanted her. So, he stood up, and all but presented her his ass again.

Whatever sting he felt was overpowered by the chill that ran up his spine when her hands ghosted across his bare skin. He could already feel himself trying to reach half mast, even though he’d just spilled a load across the stage.

_Unsexy thoughts, Ben. Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara, Mom and Dad, Grandma giving birth to Mom and Uncle Luke._

There, that was better. He’d coaxed himself flaccid again, before Rey was done. As soon as her hands were off him, he made a beeline to his pile of clothes. He wasn’t sure that he really had the balance to pull his clothes on with the speed he aspired to, but he was going to try, even if it ended in him falling on his face.

“What, got a hot date?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, still tugging his pants up.

“Not unless my bed counts.”

He didn’t know what was so funny about that, but he liked hearing Rey laugh. He liked to think that she thought he was funny. It did get a little worrying though, when she didn’t seem to be able to stop laughing.

“It wasn’t that funny, Rey.” He deadpanned, forcing himself to meet her eyes.

“No, it wasn’t funny, at all really, but watching you fasten your pants at the knees is, considering that you’ve got both legs in one leg of the pants.”

He looked down and broke out into laughter himself. It was pretty funny, the way he’d tied himself up in his hurry to get dressed. With as much composure as he could manage, he untangled himself and got dressed, properly this time.

It felt like it took him no time at all to put himself back together, even if he weren’t quite as formal looking as when he’d entered the club. He’d left his shirt untucked and had stuffed his tie into his pocket. He wondered, absently, if Rey preferred him this way, a little rough around the edges. All she’d have to do was ask, and he’d follow like a dog to a bone. No matter what she asked.

It was nothing like working under Snoke had been, no matter how similar the situations could seem. Rey was just, constantly, pushing at all the little things he’d let build up under his skin. She wanted the best for him, where Snoke had always just wanted blind obedience and had liked to show his power off. Ben had let the man destroy him, in the name of business, and even though he’d spent years in therapy now, unlearning those destructive behaviors he’d embraced when he was so _angry._

Regular therapy had helped, but his therapist didn’t make him feel whole in the way that Rey did. Rey made it easier to work through his anger, to not constantly want to tear into people and things.

And even though it wasn’t something that he would have ever considered, let alone done, a few months ago, he gave her his number when she asked for it, and found himself waiting for her to text him.

He was thankful that neither of his friends mentioned the show, or the fact he was glued to his phone on their sacred night out together.

If he missed them smirking at one another, well, who could blame him? Everyone gets a little scatterbrained when they fall head over heels in love.

  
3

She couldn’t believe her fucking luck. BB-8 had crapped out on her, and it wasn’t even her car. She could fix it, but Poe was going to bitch anyways, because he always found a reason to bitch when it was the most inconvenient of times.

And she still had to buy groceries.

Well, she guessed she was walking. She and Kaydel needed food, after all, and it wasn’t that far. The car would have been nice to get the bags home, but she’d survive. The only good thing about living in Chandrilla was the fact that there were stores every few blocks.

The toilet paper was going to be a bitch to get home though.

When she’d finally made it, she had planned out a long speech as to why Poe needed to stop skimping on BB-8’s repairs, and just pay the damn money for the parts that would last. Rey was also sweating in places that sweat should never be, but it had been a long time since she’d slummed it in the desert, so she’d cut herself a break and focused on what she could do to make Poe’s life miserable instead of focusing on her own misery.

But the floodgates had already cracked, and she should have expected them to just go ahead and burst. When she felt the unexpected cramping and dripping of her period, all she could do was let out a huff of frustration.

It was going to be a long ass day.

It didn’t help that she couldn’t get half the shit she needed. Milk? Out. Flour? Out of any size that she could find somewhere to store in the apartment. Dish soap? Ha, she wished.

Rey had had enough of this day, and it wasn’t even noon yet. Maybe it was her period that was increasing her irritability, or maybe she was just overly tired. She hadn’t been sleeping well, what with Kaydel banging her most recent fling all night, every night of the week. The walls weren’t that thick in their shared apartment, even if they were thicker than in most of the apartments in Chandrilla.

She just wanted to curl up in a ball and eat ice cream, really. And she was going to, no matter how illogical it was, considering that she had to walk her groceries back home. She’d drink her damn ice cream if she had to.

It was just how her day was going.

***

He heard the swoosh of the air more than he recognized the hand connecting with his cheek. He couldn’t think of anyone he had pissed off, this week at least.

“I’m sorry, Ben. Fuck, it’s been an awful day.”

He was still a little disoriented, from the slap, and all he managed for a long minute was pressing his hand to the cheek that Rey had slapped. Then he looked down at the pint of Chunky Monkey in his hand and held it out towards Rey.

“You look like you need this more than I do.”

It was a little bit of a shock when she pushed it back towards him, and hefted her grocery basket up into her elbow, a little more composed than she had been only minutes before. It wasn’t like he really had any attachment to the pint of ice cream, and it would definitely _not_ hurt his feelings to let her buy it if it would make her day just a little bit better.

“You got to it first, you get it. Besides, it’ll melt before I get it home in this heat. I’m walking today.”

He put the pint of ice cream in his basket and turned to press his back up against the freezer door. His dick was trying its best to get hard from the lingering sting on his cheek, and he hoped that the chill of the freezer would help. What he didn’t know, however, was how she was going to pack the pile of things she had home if she was walking. He hadn’t spent much time outside, just the walk to the store from his car, but he guessed it was hotter outside than it had been when she’d got to the store, by the size of her pile.

When the words fell out, they didn’t really surprise him. “Let me drive you home. It’s no trouble, I promise, and I would never forgive myself if you got heatstroke just trying to get your groceries home.”

He didn’t even know where she lived, but it really wasn’t like it would be a problem if she had walked. She couldn’t live very far away, walking amid one of Chandrilla’s worst heat waves in years. The company picnic could surely wait the time it would take to get her home. Not like they could start eating without the plates, anyways.

Every second that went by without an answer put him more on edge. He knew far more about her than she knew about him, so maybe she thought he was some kind of creep. Maybe he’d offended her, offering to drive her. He knew that she was usually in control, after all.

“That would be nice, Ben. If you’re sure that it’s not a big deal for you.”

He let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding and pushed himself off the freezer doors. All he had to do now was keep his dick in check until he got her home. He thought he could manage that, at least. He didn’t need much else, after all, and surely, she’d gotten ahold of the things she needed. It would be quick in the store, and a quick ride.

He’d never been so wrong before.

There turned out to be only one cashier working. The line was thankfully short, just the two of them, but as soon as one item wouldn’t ring up correctly, he found himself watching his watch. It turned out that the cashier’s manager was on the other side of the store, and they had to wait for him to show up to fix the register. He tried, he really did, to keep his gaze away from the poor girl behind the counter. None of this was her fault, after all. She didn’t deserve to be on the other side of his anger.

The ghost of a hand passed across his neck.

“It’s okay if you can’t drive me, if this has eaten up your spare time. But you’ve got to stop being so petulant. Can’t you tell she feels bad enough as it is?”

The words had been quiet, but the impact fell over Ben as if Rey had yelled them. Her hand ran along his spine again, and he wished he were wearing either more clothes or nothing at all. The thin tee shirt he’d pulled out of the back of his closet did nothing to suppress the feeling of her touch, and if he had to accept it, he wanted the tingle that ran down his spine when she touched his bare skin.

He could hardly find the words when he went to speak again. “I can still drive you.”

It had been earlier than he’d expected when he’d checked the time anyways. There was still a good while before he was expected at First Order. And even if he had been behind, he would have made the time to take her home.

***

She normally wouldn’t have taken him up on his offer but looking at the gleaming black TIE Silencer in the parking lot made her very glad that she had. It was the most beautiful car she’d ever been seen, let alone was going to ride in.

She made money, but not the kind of money that would ever be able to buy a car that nice. Then again, she hoarded money like a dragon hoarded gold coins. She had her reasons, though.

If she ever went under again, she would have her earnings from RESISTANCE to fall back on. It was why she hadn’t bought her own car, why she still pinched pennies where she could.

She loaded her own bags into his trunk, because while she felt bad enough and had an awful enough day that she had caved to accepting the ride, she was not going to take any more than she had to from Ben Solo.

Not when taking more came with taking her feelings too. Not when he still called her Rey during their scenes. Not when she wanted him so much that she thought about him when she came on her fingers in the shower, late at night.

The car smelled like him when she got in. His radio was playing something vaguely punky, a little metal, something that she had never pinned him as the type to really listen to. It fit him, both angry and sad. Of course, that only made her think of their scenes even more.

Other than giving him her address, she tried her best to keep quiet. If she weren’t thinking about small talk, she could try to fend off the pool of heat settling in her belly.

Of course, that would only last until they actually made it to her shared apartment. He just had to insist on helping her pack her things in.

Ben Solo was such a _nurf-herder._

So why was she so attracted to him?

“I thought we’d established a long time ago that you listen to me, and not the other way around.”

She wasn’t sure what exactly she was going to do, yet, but it would at least be satisfying. It would take the edge off from the day she’d had. Evidently, he needed it too, considering the fact she was currently watching him strip down in the middle of her groceries.

Rey didn’t even have to ask, and he was catering to her every whim. He seemed to read her as well as she could read him.

“But you wanted this, didn’t you? You’ve needed more ever since I slapped you in the freezer section over the Chunky Monkey.”

She had hoped that he would squirm, even though he knew better than to squirm. She lazily tilted his chin up, so he would meet her eyes. He had to want this, too.

It had to be about him. Their relationship was nowhere near professional anymore, and even though she knew that it was wrong, she still found herself wanting more. Wanting all of him. She could justify this arrangement so long as he wanted it too.

It was the only thing that had ever gone right for her.

Dating had never worked out for her, once she’d told her partners about her past. About the little girl who refused to believe that she wasn’t wanted, who thought that wearing her hair in three buns would make sure her parents would find her. About how that little girl had bounced around in a system that abandoned her even more than those deadbeat parents. About how she had fallen so far in trying to scrape together a place to belong when she got out of college.

If those weren’t the deal breakers, then it was the fact that she dealt with the effects through BDSM. That she inflicted pain on others in a controlled environment to remind herself that pain could give way to better things.

She knew what she felt for Ben Solo, and she knew that it was _good_. She wasn’t going to fuck it up by bringing her feelings into it any more than they had already leaked in. She didn’t know him, didn’t know if she was being a little bit of a home wrecker, and she had steeled herself against asking questions, even if she was dying to.

“ _Please,_ Rey.”

She pushed him forwards, watching as he eased his forehead to ground with so little guidance. He was malleable for her, and she liked to think that he was only so soft for her.

“All fours, Ben. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Her voice was quiet compared to how she directed him at RESISTANCE, but it seemed to turn him on even more. They were like binary stars, and they just kept getting closer. Every time she ran into him, or even just saw him as a paying client, they got a little more intimate. If it were with him, she’d gladly explode.

“You’re going to count as I spank you. Ten licks, alright? And don’t you dare come before ten.”

It wasn’t quite their usual, but she didn’t exactly just keep a riding crop or a flogger in her kitchen, so her hand would have to suffice. Hopefully, the extra surface area would make up for the lack of power in each hit. If it wasn’t working, well, she’d go dig out something in her room, although none of that was nearly as good quality as the toys that he was used to her using on him.

She rubbed her hands together a little, to knock off any chill they might have had. And then she drew back for the first time.

“O-one.”

Oh, this was going to work. Maybe not as well as the toys, but it would suffice.

***

By the time that Rey was closing in on ten, he couldn’t hold back the moans falling out of his lips.

“Ten, ohh, _Rey.”_

He needed to come. He needed to be good for her, but he needed to come. He felt like his entire body had turned to jelly already, and it wouldn’t take much for him to be there, a victim of his own pleasure. She’d said he couldn’t come before ten, but they had hit ten now. Surely, she wouldn’t be mad.

No, she liked him to come when she told him to. When he could wait that long, he got to see that little secret smile that she tried to hide, that one that told him he was just as attached as he was to all of this.

He liked to imagine that she touched herself when she texted him. But it wouldn’t do to think about those texts now, the ones where she told him off for getting nasty with the interns, the ones he certainly got off to, and hoped she did to. He was trying so hard to be _good._ To wait until she asked him to come. Thinking about those texts would mean thinking about how gorgeous he imagined her to be when she came.

He heard the shuffling of the grocery bags on the floor, and his heart dropped. She was going to leave him like this, so close and so, so _hard._ He thought he hadn’t been good enough, that she wasn’t going to let him come.

“There you go, Ben. You’ve got room to come now. Let go for me.”

How did she always know? Always seemed to say exactly what he needed to hear to ease his worries, to push him right over the edge.

He eased himself up, settling on his knees, careful of the way his cock was leaking. He’d rather not have to explain himself at the picnic, to people who had no reason to get involved in his personal life. He wrapped a hand around his shaft, giving himself one good pump. He didn’t truly need it, could’ve came without touching himself, but he was on a bit of a timetable, and he had no clue what time it was, since he’d left his watch with his clothes.

***

While he was unloading across the kitchen tile, she slipped down the hall to the bathroom and wet a rag. It would hardly be polite to send him off sticky when he’d driven her home.

She hurried back into her kitchen, and sank down in front of him, careful of the cum she’d have to clean up when he left.

“Here, let me clean you up.”

She’d never touched him before. Not this way, and certainly never so close to his dick. It was a fairly simple process, wipe and repeat, but it felt like a whole lot more. And then it was over, and they were both getting up.

Ben was getting dressed, and she was trying to finish putting up the groceries that had been forgotten in favor of him. What she really wanted to do was kiss him. She’d wanted to kiss him for a while now, since that night at Maz’s club, almost two months ago. But kissing him would mean admitting her feelings, and it would open her up to a world of rejection.

She wasn’t sure she was ready for that, especially not on this terrible, awful, no-good day. It had just looked up from completely ruining her life, and she didn’t want to jinx it. Not when fate had always been so cruel to her.

“I… I’m going to head out Rey. If you need anything, really, _anything,_ you’ve got my number.”

She turned around, looking at the way he filled up her entire doorway, ready to walk out of it. Some part of her wanted to ask where he was going, if he had to go, or even if she could go too. He’d tell her, she knew.

So, all she said was, “Bye, Ben. See ya later.”

And he walked right out of her apartment, without another word. It didn’t break her because she knew that she’d given him that power.

No, she broke down a little later, grabbing an ice tray out of the freezer for some ice to put in her glass of water, when she spotted the pint of Chunky Monkey she’d slapped him over in the store.

He’d still found a way to make her take it. She put the ice tray back down, her water forgotten, and took out the ice cream. She pulled a spoon out of the sink and took the pint of ice cream to her bedroom, tears already pricking at the corners of her eyes.

Ben was so, so good for her, even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself. Only he would find a way to make her day a little bit better without even being near her.

And she had let him walk away.

She ate the entire pint of ice cream, sobbing.

4

Ben is going to kill Mitaka, new baby be damned. His sperm made the little boy, after all.

Paternity leave, how progressive of First Order Publishing. And really, _any other day_ , it wouldn’t have bothered him. He’d made sure to offer it, actually. He wanted other kids to have their parents around in the ways he didn’t when he was younger.

But Gwen was shooting today, and it turned out that no other man in the office could quite fill Mitaka’s spot in her shoot. They didn’t have the balls, _literally_. He was the only person who could fit properly into the extra-larges that the company had ordered for this shoot.

And if he really pushed his feeling about the matter to the side, he understood. Deadlines were always tight, so that First Order publications hit their markets first. If TROOPER wasn’t in the hands of fashion consumers everywhere on the first of the month, then Harper’s Bazaar, or maker-forbid, _Vogue,_ would set the month’s trends. He could still remember the last time TROOPER hadn’t come out first, and he wasn’t in the mood for a repeat.

Especially when Gwen was shooting, herself. It wasn’t often that she picked up a passion project and insisted on being the spread photographer and editor, but when she did, they were always something else. The press, if nothing else, was always good.

He just wasn’t too sure about this. Yes, it was unlikely that his pen name would ever get traced back to him, especially with how few pictures of Ben Solo existed in the public realm. Yes, Kylo Ren had plenty of sketchy past endeavors under his belt.

But all he could think about was the chance that someone put the puzzle together and spread his secrets. That they would dig up his lineage and use some tastefully scandalous pictures published in one of his own magazines to destroy the political image of Leia Organa, the only person in politics that gave a damn about the people, better known around the office as his mother.

And frankly, his mother knew his pen name, so he worried about what she’d think if she found him in lingerie, gracing a magazine spread.

“Along for the ride, _remember.”_

He knew that voice as well as he knew his own. And as ludicrous as it would be to feature in a male lingerie shoot by the one and only Gwendolyn Phasma, he was completely whipped for Rey Johnson. He didn’t know why she was here, in the high rise he worked in, or why she was coercing him into standing in front of a camera in a scrap of lace, but she asked, so he would do.

“You’re not oiling up my abs, got it? I’ve still got things to do today that require me fully clothed, and I like this shirt.”

His friend practically squealed, “I knew you’d come through. They’re waiting in wardrobe. Don’t scream too loud during your wax.”

He craned his neck, glancing around at the chaos of the room, but he didn’t see Rey anywhere. He couldn’t have imagined her coaxing him into this, right?

Ben knew he lost his mind for her, around her, about her, but he didn’t think that he was imagining her in places she shouldn’t be. He had lots of problems, all concerning Rey Johnson in some way or another, but he wasn’t that far gone yet. He wasn’t so desperately in love with her that he couldn’t function.

Not yet at least.

***

She’d been impressed by the building, when Phasma had brought her up to the First Order photography studio. Finn had mentioned cold people and a cold interior to match, but she thought that First Order Publishing’s headquarters almost felt homey.

Then again, it had been hard to miss the news reports of the death of Augustus Snoke, as well as all the subsequent reports about the fraud dispersed in the upper leagues of First Order Publishing. By now, the company had to have changed, or it would have already been in the hands of the authorities.

She was more shocked that her Ben Solo was _the_ Ben Solo, current President of First Order. If there had been more pictures of him, then she might’ve kicked herself for not recognizing it sooner, but instead she only felt as if she was a kid in a candy store.

She’d pegged him right from their first meeting, and she was the one who got to bring him to his knees, the one who taught him to let go of his ego and feel good.

And now, even if his name wasn’t put on it, she’d show the whole world just how good he looked on his knees. Well, kind of.

She was the professional consultant for a few of the kinkier elements that Phasma wanted to add to her photo shoot, so she wasn’t really doing much in the way of showing anyone anything. Except for maybe the people on set. She’d be showing them how to tie their silk rope for a few bondage shots, and how to make sure that nobody lost any parts to the cock rings that they’d have to have to get their shots right.

  
And frankly, she didn’t know why she was loitering in the bathroom now, instead of doing what she was getting paid to do. Which was putting a cock ring on Ben Solo, right this moment.

With a couple of deep breaths to steel herself (and a bit of a wince at the last echoes of a scream she knew came from Ben), she forced herself out of the bathroom and into the on-set wardrobe area. At least she could be sure that his balls weren’t going to be permanently damaged if she did this herself. And she could get a good, _long_ look, purely to make sure everything with situated right, of course.

He was flushed when she walked into the partitioned off area, and not just from his wax. It reminded her of the night they had met, of how she’d wanted to tie him up back then. It was like every nerve in her body lit up, knowing that she would get to tie him up for the camera, now.

It wouldn’t be the same, of course. She was only playing her part here, rather than making the plans, but she would at least get some enjoyment out of it. The different lingerie he’d be wearing was spread out carefully on every available surface it seemed, and she almost couldn’t find the cock ring for all the delicate lace.

She’s glad it’s a flexible one, because she’s not sure it would fit correctly otherwise. For anything she could say about Ben, it wouldn’t be that he was small, in any sense of the word.

“Ready? Once it’s on, we’ll have to set a timer for about twenty minutes, just to keep the family jewels safe.”

She refuses to look at him, instead focusing on coating the clear silicone in lube. This is _not_ the place to get distracted. Too much is at stake, and too much could go wrong.

_Deep breaths, Rey. It’s fine. Everything is fine._

“Do I need to be hard? Or half hard, or what?”

She’s so totally fucked, and there goes this pair of panties. Of course, he’d be oblivious, and this was meant to be the easy part.

Rey doesn’t know how she’s going to cope when she has to tie him up. Is it wrong to rub one out in the bathroom while he’s on camera? She can be quiet when she has to.

Everything’s about _him._ His orgasm, his feelings, his wants and needs. She can live with that. It means that he hasn’t left yet, that she hasn’t had to pick up the pieces of her heart and put them back together again.

“Half mast, and when it’s in place, you can bring it on up.”

She turns around, under the guise of giving him privacy to bring it up. Truthfully, she knows that she can’t watch, or she’ll never get the image out of her mind. Or, she’ll say something stupid, and run him off for good.

***

He wishes that she would watch him as he pumps himself, because he’s thinking about her while he does it. Anytime he jacks off, he thinks about Rey. About the ways that she knows every inch of him, inside and out.

He’s barely three pumps in when he springs to life.

“Alright, I think I’m ready.”

She gets on her knees, and the picture is all wrong. Logically, of course, he knows she has to be able to see that she has the cock ring in the right position, or his dick could fall off or something like that. But he’s the one who kneels, between them. It’s him who gives up his power to her, not this. She’s quick, but his dick is on fire everywhere her fingers even so much as brushed.

His erection is full blown before she can even stand all the way up, and he swears that there’s a darkness in her eyes that mirrors his own.

Could she… want him too?

No, he’s known her almost six months, and she’s only ever focused on him. She and Gwen weren’t on familiar terms when he heard them earlier, but they could still be acquaintances, and maybe she’s only stuck around him as a favor. He hopes that’s not the case, but either way, he won’t dwell on it.

After all, he’s expected to be tied up out there any minute.

His balls strain against the cock ring as Rey wraps his wrists and his ankles and even his torso with thick, black silk ropes. Without that little circle of silicone, he imagines he would already be painting the floor white in front of him.

This is the most she’s ever touched him with her hands. That day in her apartment, it had felt methodical, the way she wiped his own cum off him. He’d twitched, then, but nothing like this. Her nails scraped gently across his back as she checked that none of the ropes were too tight and helped ease him into the position the Gwen was calling out, before walking out of the shot.

He wondered if Gwen was even getting anything usable out of him, because he felt like he was only staring at Rey, like a love-struck puppy.

“Rey, I’ve had a change of vision. Would you be willing to appear in the spread?”

Oh no, no, _no._ Cock ring or not, if she was touching him, he was going to spill on this floor. Maybe she’d say no and save him.

“Of course, I would increase the pay. This is far more than what we originally contracted you for, after all. And if you like anything from the shoot wardrobe, you can take it.”

Damn, he knew that Phasma was ruthless when it came to business, but he never expected to find himself on the other side of those shoes, begging for it to stop.

Ben had already resigned himself to the torture. Gwen could be a force of nature when she wanted something, and she didn’t take no for an answer.

“Well… how hard can it be? But we’ll have to take a break if he’s going to keep all the goods attached.”

Would it be wrong to go let off the pressure? Before she had to touch him? He didn’t think that Rey would mind if he came on set. Gwen would get a kick out of it and tease him endlessly over it. She’d probably take a picture of it and add it to her final spread.

He just was already so _hard._ His dick hurt if he thought about it.

He _had to._ He had to make it just a little easier on himself, or he’d never be able to stand twenty more minutes.

Especially not with Rey hanging all over him, if that look he’d gotten was any indication.

“Take fifteen, everyone. Rey, honey, let me get someone down here to do your wardrobe.”

***

It would have been easy enough to say no, she thought. Poe was one of those pushy types, just like Phasma. Rey had said no to him plenty of times, even when he turned on all the charm. No amount of money or favors in the world would get her to do something she didn’t want to do, like that fucking almost-orgy.

She only played one-on-one, thank you very much.

But she had wanted to touch him. She wanted to work him up, here, in front of people that he knew. And if she had let her fingers linger a little too long when she was checking her handiwork, well, they didn’t know the difference.

He had lit up, under those brushes of her fingertips along his skin. It was the closest she would get to truly setting his senses on fire. And she had been offered more.

More touch, more sensation. More time to pretend that her feelings were mutual.

She could imagine that they were doing couples’ boudoir photos. That it had been a mutual decision, something that she could put up at RESISTANCE to show her other clients that she had picked her partner in crime.

Rey felt exposed, even if she was taped into place within the strappy lingerie. Maybe it wasn’t the clothes, but the fact that the camera was on her, while she was wearing so little. While she was thinking of _Ben,_ really.

Not even Rose knew how strongly she felt, and her best friend had been in a similar position for a long time now. It just felt so taboo to _want_ a client. Her clients trusted her to keep their secrets, to give them the things that they hadn’t been able to get out of their relationships, and to do it with no strings.

She provided a service to the public. Underneath, it was therapy. It wasn’t sexual, and Poe offered normal, talking sessions too. He’d juggled the classes, the work, the finances, just to spur RESISTANCE into being. She remembered the classes and certifications that she had to go to before she had been allowed to step into a room, instead of working the front desk.

Now was not the time. She needed to be listening to Phasma, after all, and she couldn’t do that if she wasn’t mentally there. But being present had its own problems.

“Rey, go ahead and tie him back up. I want a few shots of the process, so not too quickly, alright?”

The more she touched him, the more trouble it was to keep her boundaries. They had never been firm, but it hadn’t felt so hard before to keep to herself.

Now, as she worked on creating a chain of knots, all she wanted to do was fuck him. She wanted him inside of her, catering to her every whim as she chased an orgasm of her own, whining when he’d come so many times that he felt like he couldn’t come again.

Hopefully, she didn’t look totally lost in her daydreams.

***

With her hands all over him, he was more thankful than ever that he had a little help to keep him from coming.

“There is so much chemistry in these pictures, guys. Are you sure that you’re not up for moonlighting as models?”

Rey’s hands were the only thing keeping him steady. Gwen had been there, for that night in the club, he remembered now. She had to know exactly what she was doing.

If he’d been alone, it wouldn’t have mattered. But with Rey so close to him, close enough that he could feel her body heat, the anger he hadn’t felt since the time he’d exploded on his uncle while visiting his house was close to consuming him. It wouldn’t, he knew.

He could never explode, with Rey around. She was a balm for his soul, turning his stress, his anger, and even his fear into arousal.

“Alright, I think I’ve got what I need. These are better than I could have hoped for, truly.”

It was… over?

He hadn’t realized he’d been so deep in his thoughts. Ben made to press against the ropes he vaguely remembered, only to find his movement unencumbered.

It didn’t even feel real as he made his way back to the sectioned off wardrobe area. The assistants, who had been all over him before, with wax and makeup and more hair products than lined his own sink, seemed to all have left.

He was alone, it seemed.

And then, slight, quiet footsteps. A delicate click, clack, click, clack.

_Rey._

He would know the sound of her in heels anywhere. And it sounded as if she were getting closer.

His breathing grew shallower, and he couldn’t keep it even for trying. She was still in that black bodysuit, but now she was in front of him, where he could see her.

“Please, _Rey_ , please. Need to come, ‘m so hard.” He whimpered, quietly, already sinking to his knees and trying to get rid of the lace briefs without ripping them.

She paused, and the smirk that slid across her lips would have brought him to his knees if he wasn’t already there.

“Not yet, Ben. Gotta take the ring off, now. Before you hurt yourself, mhm ‘kay?”

The words got stuck at the tip of his tongue, but Ben managed a quick nod. He didn’t know how he was going to manage to hold out when she took the ring off and got rid of the pressure that was keeping his arousal tolerable.

He really didn’t know how he was going to hold back when she was still touching him, after taking the ring off.

She sank down to the floor, but it didn’t make her any less in charge. He couldn’t look her in the eye without recognizing how whipped he was. Her fingers were nimble, and swift in loosening the silicone ring, before discarding it all together. As soon as the ring was off, he was uber aware of her other hand on his shoulder, the chill of the air in the room, and how oh so hard he was.

“Please.”

It was everything he could do to get that one word out. He needed to come. It wouldn’t take anything, hardly, to push himself over the edge, but he needed it to be Rey. If he got himself off, he’d just be pushing his luck. He’d be hard again in a matter of minutes. It had to be her.

She’d milk him dry, and he’d be better for a little while, at least.

When she rose to her feet, he couldn’t help but watch. It didn’t help his arousal, for sure, but the way she seemed to command the very atmosphere in order to rise with such ease and grace did certainly put him in awe.

“You’ve been thinking about this that whole time, haven’t you? A dirty little slut lost in dirty thoughts. So impatient, hm?”

He was almost there, and it was like she could see into his mind. At one time, it might have scared him that someone could know him so well. Especially someone not connected to him by blood, because his own family never seemed to know him. What he liked, what he needed, what was ‘wrong’ with him. They just wanted to fix him, to make him picture perfect when it was useful.

He never felt loved, not even wanted. They hurt him, then, and he ran.

The night he exploded on Uncle Luke, who had promised to help him and had instead given up on him, was the same night that he had found Snoke and First Order Publishing.

At the time, he hadn’t realized he was trading one form of abuse for another. Finding Armie in the company, after not seeing him in over a year, had made it seem like fate.

He couldn’t make up for his past, and he knew he wouldn’t want to anyways. He had reconciled with his family, was making something good out of the parts of his grandfather that he’d always been told he carried. He’d made First Order a success, without the dirty tricks, and without working himself to death either.

More than anything, all that bad had led him to Rey. The best thing in his life, even if the time he spent with her was borrowed. He could admit that he loved her, to himself. Would admit that he needed her, and that he wanted to keep her forever.

More than that, he knew that after loving her, he’d never love anyone else so consumingly, because he’d love her until the day he died.

***

She watched with curiosity as he slipped into sub-space, and truly let go of himself. He hadn’t even come yet, this time. The back of her hand brushed across his cheek, and she could see just how bad he wanted this in his eyes.

Hopefully, he couldn’t see the desire in hers. Or at least couldn’t recognize it. She had to push him over the edge before she could even let herself think about running off to the bathroom and shoving her fingers up her cunt.

“My dirty slut, yeah? Show me, Ben.”

Only after the words had slipped out did she realize her mistake. Mistakes that she only seemed to make with Ben.

She let him call her by her real name. He knew where she lived. They sent texts back and forth all the time. And now, she’d all but claimed him.

Loving him was wrong when it meant that she was stringing him on. She wanted him, and she couldn’t say it out loud. The only thing she hadn’t fucked up yet was sex. She’d kept sex out of their arrangement, kept the pleasure focused solely on him, no matter how pent up in made her.

It didn’t take long, after her slip up, for him to throw his head back and let pleasure wreck him. Every spurt on milky white made her a little bit closer to giving in, consequences or no consequences. She wanted to tell him, taste him, and take him home with her.

When it looked like he’d come back to the real world, she swallowed. Hard. Then she gave him a tight smile and walked away.

She had to get dressed and go. Before she did something stupid. Well, something else stupid.

Phasma caught her before she could get out the door.

“Can I send copies to the email we got in touch on? So, you have the photos, of course.”

“Of course, that’ll be fine. Thanks, Phasma.”

“Oh, call me Gwen.”

Rey shot the platinum blonde a tight smile and excused herself. She couldn’t be in the same building as Ben Solo any longer. Not if she wanted to keep whatever this thing was with him going on, even if it only lasted a little bit longer.

She didn’t know if she would survive her heartbreak this time.

Rey had too many feelings, this time.

It was all Ben’s fault. Even though they weren’t together, he still made it feel like they were. Always offering her everything, even if she had nothing to give him in return. Frankly, she thought that the dumb boy would thank her if she stabbed a knife through his heart, up until the moment he bled out. Even if, by some twist of fate, he wanted her now, he didn’t know anything about her past. He didn’t know much about her at all.

What little she knew about him, in comparison to that, seemed like everything.

If she were a better person, she’d call him and end whatever this thing they were doing was. She’d get his appointments with her at RESISTANCE switched to be with Kaydel. She would make a clean break, instead of letting her feelings weep all over the place.

If she were more selfless, she’d text him, to end it. Not polite, by any means, but it would let him out of any obligation he felt like he had, at least, even if it would kill her soul.

But she wasn’t even strong enough to do that.

She had made it maybe a few hundred feet from First Order headquarters when she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. It hadn’t all worked up in her head yet, not enough to break down, but she was so, so out of her comfort zone.

_People left. Boyfriends left._

So why couldn’t she get it through her own thick skull that he’d leave too?

Why was she staring back at the high-rise, longing to go back? Back to him, back to apologize for running out, back to something temporary.

Ben Solo deserved so much more than her.

But, Rey supposed, if this lasted, she’d take what she could get out of it, and she’d hold onto it like she once held onto food.

She might not deserve him, but she could still fight claw, tooth, and nail to keep him.

(Just, never in so many words.)

***

He had been getting ready for bed when his phone lit up with the email notification. He’d only been meaning to turn the stupid thing off, not to look.

But he saw the sender, and the subject line. Gwen Phasma, Today’s Photos.

After eleven was a work and mostly technology free time. It kept him sane, kept his stress levels low enough he could sleep at night. He knew he shouldn’t open the email until he got to the office the next morning.

But it wasn’t just him in those photos. Rey was in those photos. And he wanted to see her, despite his better judgement telling him to just go to fucking bed.

With his sweatpants hung low on his hips, he ventured through his penthouse to the kitchen, where he’d left his laptop.

It was a bad idea, but he was going to see it through. He hadn’t done that in a while.

Pulling out a barstool from the breakfast island, he was already opening the laptop with his other hand. He would just look the photos over, and then he’d go to bed. His calendar was full of meetings, after all. Ones he needed to be active in.

The message had no text, so he was bombarded with the sight of himself as soon as he clicked to open the email.

But he also got to see her. _Rey._

He would have fell, had he not been sitting down.

He knew the pictures would be stunning, of course, even in raw form. Gwen was just _that_ good behind the camera. They had been designed to be hot.

But he doubted that Gwen could have faked the chemistry, the longing in his eyes. The pictures gave the impression that the room reeked of sex, that they had been captured in the height of intimacy.

Ben almost believed it too, and he’d been in that room. He had felt the tension that would ebb in and out when Rey left her hands on him a little longer than needed, or when they had to get closer together for a shot.

The set had smelt of sweat, but not sex. Mostly his own sweat, at that, with the way the lights had been positioned. It hadn’t been the smell of him and her and cum and utter bliss.

What had surprised Ben the most wasn’t any of that, because he knew he was in love with Rey Johnson. He had seen the slight upward turn of Phasma’s mouth that meant he’d been flushed out, that the torture would never end.

What surprised Ben was the gleam of emotion hidden in Rey’s eyes.

Lust, passion, and dare he say want?

He shut the laptop, with no attempt to close out of his email or turn the computer off so it wouldn’t need charged the next afternoon, letting out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in.

If she really did want him too, why did she leave so quickly?

It was his feet moving of their own volition that got him back into his bedroom, and his body’s will that got him into the bed and under the covers.

His head stayed caught up in the why and how and what of Rey’s departure until sleep pulled him into its embrace, willingly or unwillingly.

\+ 1

She couldn’t tell you what the number of this trip to the bathroom was. That alone told her she’d spent way too much time in the bathroom, instead of out with her friends, celebrating Rose’s new engagement.

Rosie’s fiancé must have been something, considering this rather short notice engagement party was not only benefiting from bottle service at this uber trendy rooftop bar, but also overnights in the hotel below.

Rey was assuming that this fiancé was the elusive boyfriend Rose always talked about, but that she’d never actually gotten to meet. Rose hadn’t tried to hide him, of course, but anytime she’d tried to bring him over, Rey’d always ended up needed at RESISTANCE.

But she wasn’t in the bathroom because she was afraid of meeting Rose’s fiancé. Rey had been hiding because she was afraid she’d _already met him._

Would figure that she would fall in love with the same man as her best friend. And some part of her had always known that she wouldn’t be good enough for kriffing Ben Solo.

She glanced up into the mirror, pressing her lips together. If Rose didn’t suddenly get all lovey-dovey on Ben, didn’t suddenly turn up the PDA level, Rey thought that she’d be able to hold it together.

Her makeup was alright, and her hair was probably fine, but she ran her fingers through it anyways to give herself one last chance to pull herself together.

Rey was fine. This was fine. She was happy for Rose.

She slipped out of the bathroom and went back to find the table her friends were at. Before she’d even made it halfway across the roof, Rose was swooping in, commanding the room like she owned it, even if she couldn’t see more than most people’ chests.

“Reyyyyy! Babe, you’ve gotta meet my fiancé!”

Maybe someone would shoot her now. Random sniper, maybe? Hopefully, he’d be able to pretend they had never met.

Rose took her by the hand and pulled her through the crowd, towards… a lanky ginger?

“Armie, this is Rey! She’s my Maid of Honor, or well, she will be if she’ll say yes?”

The nerves that had her hands shaking seemed to flee, and all at once were replaced with a bumbling excitement.

“Rosie! Of course!”

Rey couldn’t quite believe that she was standing there, jumping and squealing with Rose, in the middle of somewhere so nice. Sure, it was nice that Rose wanted her to be Maid of Honor, but some little part of her was also expressing the fact that Rose wasn’t in love with Ben.

When they’d had their minute of fun, it seemed too easy to turn around and offer her hand to Rose’s fiancé.

“Rey Johnson, nice to finally meet you.”

“Armitage Hux, but just Hux or Armie is fine. I have to say, your demo at Kanata’s was impressive. I had expected, and would’ve loved, to see Rose here under the cat ‘o nine tails, but I imagine that Ben’s frame made it easy to show off.”

That explained the mystery that was Ben Solo’s presence. Was that Gwen, cutting up with Kaydel and Poe? Rey’d been silent longer than truly necessary, and probably longer than was polite, but she couldn’t help herself. It wasn’t that she wasn’t enjoying getting to know Hux, she just couldn’t stop herself from trying to keep track of Ben either.

“I’m really happy for you two, Rose. And, thanks, Hux, for the compliment but I think I need a drink.”

It wasn’t much of an excuse, but at least she could slip away from the future bride and groom. She did really need that drink too if she was going to manage not slipping off to hide in the bathroom again.

And she needed something a whole lot stronger than the champagne that bottle service was supplying if she was going to have to spend the rest of her night around Ben Solo.

She stepped up to the bar, signaling for the bartender. She had no clue what she was going to order, just that it was going to be something strong.

“What can I get you?”

“Hm, vodka lemonade.”

It wasn’t as strong as some of the drinks on the menu, but it was certainly stronger than the champagne. And when she downed it in one go, well, she knew it’d serve her purposes.

***

He wasn’t sure about much, but he was sure that he was going to die at Rey’s hands. Or not even her hands, but merely from her presence.

She’d kept her distance from him, up until now. And he wasn’t sure how he was going to make it, watching her laugh and cut up with both her friends and _his_ friends.

Ben knew he was utterly and completely fucked.

There were only two ways this night could end, in his mind. She’d end up giving him a heart attack, or he’d end up in bed with her.

He knew it would be so, so easy. If he begged, she would relent.

He’d looked at the pictures that Gwen had sent him every single night this week. He’d jerked off to them too. Even if it was embarrassing that he was so hung up on her and barely knew anything about her, he knew that he’d never anyone the way he loved Rey Johnson.

She was his sun. She was so bright that he couldn’t stand being close to her for too long, but he was always longing for her when she was gone.

Ben caught himself staring at her down the table, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. Rey looked like she was enjoying herself, like she might even be a little tipsy.

He couldn’t blame her. He’d had one more Old Fashioned than he usually would have, and he felt a little bit of a buzz spreading through his body. They surrounded themselves with people that didn’t make attempts to hide anything, he thought. The party alone was an example. Armie and Rose had run out and made their newest relationship status known, without taking even a day for reveling in it themselves.

He couldn’t say that he knew Rey’s past, but he knew that nothing she could have done, nothing she could have went through would ever make him leave. He didn’t know if she could handle his baggage, though. After all, there were days when he couldn’t handle it.

It was a split-second decision to abandon his chair and move down to the other end of the table where Rey was sitting. Rash, impulsive, and not thought out.

“Ben! I was just telling Rey what I thought of the photos. Better than I had ever dreamed of. I’d love to make one a cover feature, but TROOPER wouldn’t get put on the shelves!”

“Well, actually, I haven’t opened the email yet to look at them. It’s been busy as hell, trying to get all our appointments sorted out so RESISTANCE can close for a couple of days. We’re all exhausted.”

He tries not to get too offended that she hasn’t seen what she did to him, or that she looks at the group she came in with. It’s not his place, really, to get upset if she’s dating someone else. They aren’t together, aren’t even really friends.

(But, Maker, does he want to be something to her.)

***

Rey is trying, really trying, to pay attention to Hux’s speech. She’s not sure who got the speeches started, really, nor anything that’s been said.

It’s just… Ben is right there, close enough to touch.

She’s never fucked a client, but she’s never wanted to fuck one either. He’s the exception, to all her rules. But if she caves tonight, she can blame the alcohol. She’s not drunk since she only had the one vodka lemonade. She’s loose though, from the alcohol and all the celebrating.

Rose really won’t mind, she thinks. Rose would tell her to get herself some dick.

What she does next isn’t really a Rey move. It’s something that her Kira persona might do if her Kira persona were a little tamer. No, this falls in no man’s land. But when isn’t she, when dealing with Ben Solo?

She reaches over and grabs Ben’s hand. Tugs.

“Come with me.”

***

He’s not sure that he’s awake anymore. She’s pulling him along, past the door that leads to the staircase exit, and he thinks that he has to be dreaming.

There’s only one place to go from the elevator.

_The hotel._

He knows that there’s a suite with his name on it down there, but he wonders absently what kind of room that she’s in. Rey deserves the best, even if she rarely treats herself to it.

She only lets go of his hand when the doors slide shut on the elevator. He uses that chance to really look at her for the first time of the night. Her cheeks were flushed, from the alcohol. Just a touch.

He’s not even thinking when he reaches out and rests his palm there. Maybe it’s desire, but then again, maybe it’s instinct.

When it comes to her, Ben always runs on instinct. He lets her do the thinking, and he contents himself with feeling. He loses his composure completely, most of the time.

But if he’s going to do this, he has to hold on. Just a little. He’s wavering, already, as he pulls his hand away from Rey’s cheek to push the button for his floor instead of hers.

There’s little risk, he thinks. Most sane people in this city are sleeping, and the floor that Rey was on was one of the modestly priced ones that only typically houses retirees and businesspeople.

He sinks to his knees, eyes never leaving hers.

_“Please.”_

It sounds like a prayer, but he’s never been particularly religious. She’s shocked, he thinks, before she raises a brow at him.

“Please, what? Ben, use your words for me.”

It doesn’t make him ashamed to admit it. “Please let me eat you out.”

When she smiles and shimmies the tight skirt of her baby blue dress up to her waist, his heart stops beating. Rey isn’t wearing any panties.

_Rey isn’t wearing panties._

He swallows, hard, and then he puts his mouth to use. He’s got maybe ten minutes, and he wants her to come at least once. She deserves that when she’s given him the entire world tonight.

It’s somewhat apprehensive, at first. Ben’s out of practice by years, after all. He’s got his hands wrapped around Rey’s thighs, to keep her steady, and his nose pressed as close to her as possible. It’s not a frenzied thing, nor is it a lazy one.

He never felt so at home eating pussy. She’s wet, but not dripping yet. It’s just enough to taste, and because it’s her, it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten. She’s sweet, with a salty kick.

His attention is focused in on her clit, but he’s not ignoring her folds. He wants to know every inch of her, inside and out. After all, why shouldn’t he? If this is a one night only thing, he wants to remember every detail, because he knows he’s already ruined for anyone else. When he moves his tongue lower, lapping at the slick that keeps her vulva plush, he lets his nose nudge against her clit still. He hopes that the sensation of his breathing is like echoes of the sensation of his tongue.

Her hands are in his hair, and it’s a callback to memory, of that first time they met. In hindsight, he’d been whipped for her then, before the actual whippings ever started. When she’d called him vain, pulled up his hidden truths, it had weight to it. No matter who’d mentioned his hair, whether his mother or Hux or even Snoke, before he kicked the bucket, the thought of cutting it was a contention point. For her, though, Ben had almost done it.

_This,_ the idea of her pulling on it again, had been what stopped him. The pleasure of the sting, what it did to him, was so much more than what he thought he would get out of the praise for renouncing his own vanity.

“Ben, babe, a little more. Show me that you know what you’re doing with that mouth.”

***

Her legs felt like gelatin under her, with how well he could use his mouth. Oh, how close she was to climax. Yet, she knew that she was still the one in charge here. The power dynamic hadn’t changed. He lapped and sucked at her pussy like it was a popsicle given to a well-behaved child. Her orgasm was a reward, for him, not something to take.

But for this, she didn’t need his worship. Rey needed more than the worship, she needed the desperation and longing from him that she herself had finally given into. This was only the beginning after all, of the night, and of something more.

It seemed that their orbits had finally aligned, and they were going to collide, just like binary stars. If this wasn’t something that he wanted as much as she did, something where he held on to her too, it could only end like the stars: a supernova, an ending where the collateral damage took out more than the explosion ever could.

But her encouragement was enough to pull him under. She was quivering with the vigor and dedication that suddenly attacked her clit, the increase of the stimulation. Vaguely, she recognized the telling sound of the elevator doors opening on her floor of the hotel, and peeked one half-shut eye at the door, away from Ben.

Nobody around, save for a snoozing housekeeper. It was almost disappointing, not getting caught in the act by an unsuspecting little old lady, or a tired businessman. She hoped, however, that she’d have plenty of time to exercise her inner voyeur in the future, with him.

As soon as the doors had closed again, her attention had turned back to him, to the pool of heat in her stomach, almost ready to run over. She relaxed into his grip on her thighs, settling onto his face like it was made to be between her legs.

“Don’t let me fall when I come. Hold me up. I trust those pecs of yours can manage my bodyweight.”

She wanted to reprimand when he nearly stopped lapping at her at all, but his hands moved, pulling her up to settle across his shoulders, no matter how much pressure it put on his knees or how much it hurt him. He was so good for her, trying to make sure he never would disappoint.

She let out a broken moan, head falling back slightly, when he returned to the task at hand and pulled her orgasm out. Any effort left in her was entirely spent on the tremors of pleasure that left no limb untouched. Rey could only imagine how good it would be when he was inside her in the hotel room. She knew he was well endowed, but size didn’t mean anything in getting her off. His attentiveness, however, would make a world of difference.

One thing was certain to her. Her trusty vibe would never quite cut it again, not after Ben. Not that it had truly been satisfying her lately.

It might have been seconds, or maybe minutes before she had enough control over her body to pull her legs down from his shoulders and get herself back on her feet. Her landing was clumsy, especially in three-inch stiletto heels, but she didn’t fall flat of her ass or face, so it was good enough. She didn’t have to look to know he was hard.

“You did so good, babe. Made me come so hard. Just a little longer, mhm ‘kay? Wanna feel you come in me.”

His cheeks were pink when she tugged her dress tail back down where it belonged and rested her head against his chest. She was tall, especially in her heels, but he still managed to be taller.

“Are… are you asking me to… not use a condom?”

“I want to feel you Ben. All of you. I’ve used the pill for years, and I don’t sleep with just anyone. My results are on file too, same as yours. I want you, bareback. But all you have to do is say the word.”

***

His ears are on fire, with how expectantly Rey looks at him as the elevator settles on his floor. She wants to know. It’s against everything he knows, everything he is. She’s offering chaos to his constancy.

He licks his lips and lets out a shaky breath before he answers.

“Green, Rey. I’m green.”

He can’t even find the time to blink before she’s stuck her hand into his pocket and fished out his room card, scanning for the number. Ben thinks that he’s still processing that he gets to have her, raw. He’s not been a virgin in years, but he’s never done this before either. Never gone in without a condom.

Rey, for as small as she seems compared to him, tugs him so hard down the hallway that he stumbles before he realizes what’s going on and rights himself. He’d do anything she wanted, so long as that carefree look stays on her face. Once she unlocks the door to his suite, he opens the door and steps inside, returning to his knees.

His cock is aching, he’s so hard. By the gleam in her eyes, Rey knows exactly what she’s doing to him. And he absolutely loves it. He’s always had to hold things together, create control in chaotic situations, but she puts him back in his place, rips his importance away. Rey makes sure he knows that he isn’t special, that he’s like anyone else. Rey makes him her bitch, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

There’s a sharp tugging at his throat that breaks him out of his head, just a little. He looks up, away from the floor, and finds a slight, manicured hand holding the end of his tie. Rey’s hand.

“Come with me, Ben. I’m not done with you yet.”

She moves with purpose towards the open door of the bedroom he changed in before heading up to the party. He crawls along behind her, cheeks flushing pink yet again, no time to get to his feet.

“On the bed.”

He climbs onto the massive bed and lets himself fall back into the mess of pillows. He’s never fooled himself about how sex would be with her. He is here for her pleasure, not his own. If she lets him fuck into her afterwards, it is as a reward.

She wastes no time in stripping him down, unknotting the tie from his neck, undoing his blazer and dress shirt, and tugging off his slacks, boxers, dress shoes and socks. Every brush of her fingers pushes him further and further under. When she catches his lips with her own, the sheer bliss of it overwhelms him.

***

  
She notices when he starts to slip into sub space, and she pulls back, just a little. Ben deserves to be present while she fucks him, not surfacing from sub space. It’s a lot for him to process, after all.

Her kissing is soft instead of desperate, and she guides his hands back to the zipper of her dress. Even though the last six months have been hard and fast, in this moment, she feels like she is loved. Like this is a moment in a relationship. Ben is looking at her like she is a treasure, or an altar maybe, even though he’s working quickly to tug her dress over her head, less dazed than before.

It draws a smile to her lips. No man that she’s ever slept with before has held her in such high regard, whether he knew her secrets or not. They’ve never put themselves so completely into her hands, even if she was allowed to top them.

Ben is so much better than any of them, and she wishes that she could say he would love her, even with her past.

She settles on her knees, over him, and bends down to retrieve the tie she discarded earlier. He’s gotten so good at predicting what she wants that he holds his hands out to her, wrists close together.

“Too tight?” she asks once his wrists are securely bound to the headboard.

“They’re comfortable.”

As soon as she’s heard his verbal confirmation, she lines his cock up with her cunt and sinks down. She doesn’t quite bottom out, so she lifts herself back up and goes again, until her skin is flush with his skin.

Rey feels _full_. Evidently, Ben’s enjoying this too, with the way his eyes are half-lidded when she looks back up at him. She has to pause, just for a moment, so that she can get used to the sheer size of him pressing into her walls. He’s far bigger than her vibe or any man she’s been with.

“’M gonna ride you till I come again. Then you can come, babe. You’re doing so good, Ben. Only a little bit more.”

The husky grunt of affirmation he lets out is by far the sexiest sound that she has ever heard. She had been planning to rub her clit so that she would come whether or not he was lined up just right, but she lifts herself up one last time and lines his head up with her g-spot when she bottoms back out because she wants to come solely from his cock. The whimper she lets out is unintentional, and she knows that she’s in the right spot.

And then she starts bouncing, occasionally grinding down into Ben so that his hips buck up into her. She can feel the perspiration beading up on her forehead as she works, but it feels so good when his cock brushes against her just so that she can’t be bothered to wipe it away or push her hair back so that it doesn’t stick to her face.

If she couldn’t tell just by looking at his face, Rey could tell that Ben was super fucking close when he started rutting up into her every time she so much as wiggled. The pool of heat in the bottom of her stomach was threatening to overflow again too.

“Gonna come together, babe. You deserve it, alright?”

She drew one hand back, just a little, and lightly swatted at his ass when he rutted up into her again.

It was enough.

***

He felt her walls tighten around him at the same time that he couldn’t take it anymore. Vaguely, he knew that he was filling her full of his cum, but the pleasure was just too much. He’d used up his every ounce of self-control to draw out his orgasm for so long. In that same way, he knew that he was making noise, but it might have been moans, grunts, or flat out babbling, and he couldn’t tell enough about himself or his surroundings at the moment to really say which.

He could, however, tell you that he didn’t mind being so deep in subspace that he hardly knew his own name. Not with Rey, at least. She would take care of him, no matter how long it took him to come back to his own. Ben was just along for the ride, wherever it would take him.

She wasn’t on the bed when he finally felt like he was in his own body. There was the sound of water running coming from… somewhere. At first, the only urge he had was to get up and find out if she was the source of the noise, but before he could try, his brain had caught up. His hands had been bound. He didn’t move much, just within what he remembered of the bounds of his own tie, to test the waters. When he was fairly certain that he wasn’t bound any more, he let his arms relax down to his sides, rolling both wrists around to alleviate any stiffness. Some odd minutes later, he forced himself off of the bed and resisted the urge to reach for his boxers. Rey’s seen him naked, quite a lot, and now she’s had her way with him too. The time for modesty was long gone, Ben knew, and it’d just be a waste of time to try and find his underwear.

He’d not gone to any effort to be quiet, and it doesn’t surprise him that she turns to look at him when he pads into the bathroom. The nearly filled bathtub, surprises him a little, and the smile that lights up her eyes when she sees him does too.

“I hadn’t expected you to come out of subspace yet, or I would’ve been waiting on the bed for you. I’m sorry, about that.”

“It’s… I… thanks, Rey. Enjoy your bath.”

He makes to exit the bathroom, turning on his heel, when he feels her hand press, lightly, against his bicep. She’s crossed the room to him, and there’s uncertainty, he thinks, in her eyes.

“The bath’s for us if you want to, that is. I won’t waste the water, if you don’t want to get in, but I’d like you to. With me.”

He doesn’t answer in words, just a brush of his thumb across her pink cheek. Words just seem too easy to misconstrue right now. It’s strange, to take her by the hand and lead her to the full bath. He climbs in and then helps her in, before settling into the hot water, arranging her into his lap so they both fit comfortably.

“I hope that they don’t miss us too much upstairs.”

She laughs, and the way the sound flows through the air makes him relax even more into the bath. He could stay here, in this moment, forever. The room settles into a comfortable quiet then, and he wonders if this can last. If they could last.

He can’t help himself when he breaks the silence. He’s always content, with Rey, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still want more. All the time he’s spent it therapy would be wasted if it’s cruel to himself right now and doesn’t at least ask her. All she can do is say no.

“Can we… will you…”

He pauses and clears his throat. Ben knows that he’s not got a way with words, but he at least wants to pour everything he has into this… confession, of sorts. So he tries again, before his courage wavers and his self-doubt puts everything at risk.

“I think I fell in love with you that first night we met, Rey. I know I’ve been falling in love with you for the last six months. I want you, if you’ll have me. There’s a lot of fucking baggage, with me, but I’ve never been a better man than I have been since I’ve known you.”

***

He loves her, he says. Before he can ever get done talking, there are tears in the corners of her eyes, and she’s shaking bubbles off her hands to try and wipe them away.

Out of all the possibilities she had considered when she’d brought him out of the party to fuck, this was one that she hadn’t thought of. Hadn’t wanted to consider.

Because Rey is terrified of her own feelings.

“Ben… it’s not you. Really. There’s just… so much here, to fuck up. Maker, I don’t want to fuck this up.”

She’s stopped even trying to brush her tears away, because she’s almost sobbing now. Her words are shaky, when she can even get them out.

“I’m not… _enough_ for you. I’m nothing, no one.”

She’s trying to form the words, again, when he leans down to look at her face.

“You’re not nothing, to me, Rey. I’m sure that my worst secrets are worse than yours, and even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t care. _Please, Rey._ Don’t push me away if this could work.”

She’s never been this vulnerable with someone, and it gives her hope. She’s terrified, but she wants this, again. This intimacy and vulnerability between them, a shared thing.

When she became a dom at RESISTANCE, a few years ago now, it was because she had always pushed away her ability to control, and pushed, and pushed. As long as someone wanted her, she was content to break and bend herself into what they needed her to be. Dominating gave her power back over who she was. It reminds her how much she’s grown, the answer lingering on the tip of her tongue.

“Let’s… let’s try the dating thing, maybe? I’ve been falling in love with you too, I think.”

She pushes the drain with her foot to let the water out, now that it’s starting to get chilly, and stands up, offering him her hand.

When he takes it, she pulls him right on back to the bed. It’s annoying, really, to have to let go and push the comforter down, but so worth it when she can climb in and cocoon herself in the warmth. Ben’s body heat helps too, once he climbs in and she can press herself up against him, chest to chest.

She’s content to just lose herself in his eyes, pressed up against him to remind herself that he’s there, that he’s real, but kissing him is good too. Rey’s especially fond of the hesitance in the way he claims her lips with his own, the gentle way he kisses her. It makes her think that he’s as out of his element as she is.

They kiss until she runs out of air, and then he smiles at her, with that slightly crooked smile that makes her heart flutter in her chest. She thinks she’s smiling back too. The room is slowly darkening, as the neon lights of businesses along the street outside disappear from the window, and the only noise is the quiet hum of the air conditioning unit.

When she wakes up, she doesn’t remember falling asleep. Ben’s arms are wrapped around her waist, and they remind her of the night before. If she were willing to get up, she’d find her phone that was in the pocket on her dress, to see if Rose had texted.

But his arms are a comfort that she isn’t willing to leave. From the amount of light coming in the window, it’s still early. There’s no point, really, in getting out of bed, just like there wasn’t a point in going back to the party last night after sex.

So Rey rolls over, and cuddles closer into Ben. She’s wanted this for six months, after all. She can fill in all her friends later, and apologize to Rose for ducking out of her engagement party.

Right now, she wants to sleep in with her boyfriend.


End file.
